Why

Ok, I decided to start this blog because of my dear friend who has a little one with some problems. Truthfully, I've thought about starting a blog for awhile, I just hadn't done it....but Alicia had mentioned how everyone should have a blog and it seems to be good therapy for her, as well as her friends and family. So, we'll see how this goes!
I've been having a hard time lately, truth be told. This is a hard time of year for my family and I. In April of 2005 my sister and my niece were murdered. That sounds so disturbing, doesn't it? Probably because it is disturbing! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about them and wonder what life would be like with them here. Some days I laugh and think about all the silly things they used to do (and there were LOTS!) and other days I cry about those same things or about how sweet and loving they were. Lately though, it's been the latter. Last Sunday, I was driving home from the grocery store singing along with a Christmas song on the radio when all the sudden I just started to cry! You know I concluded through this whole ordeal that grief is a very personal and selfish thing....not in a bad way...it's just the way it is. We want them back sooooo bad, but why? for US.....not them. One of my FAVORITE authors is Max Lucado....READ HIS STUFF....anyway, my mom and I read tons of his books after the girls died and in one of his books he said something about why do you think Jesus didn't bring back too many people from the dead? Because he wasn't doing THEM any favors....Dang.....ain't that true?? Wise words!!
So, there are days that are better than others but then there are days that are bittersweet. Either way, I miss them like crazy and long for the day when we will all be together again!!
And even though I have this sadness with me, I do feel that overall I am coping fairly well....I am looking forward to Christmas and some of our 'new' traditions with our family as well as older ones too! I can't wait to see the boys on Christmas day with their presents as we celebrate the birth of Jesus!
thanks for listening!
nicole