I miss you Melissa Jo and Laney Jo!!!

It's very hard to believe, but today is the 3rd anniversary of the girl's death! Egan couldn't believe it either, he kept trying to correct me by saying it was 2yrs ago....Time has a way of getting by all of us. Jonathon, who has been soooo incredibly brave and strong, has been having a hard day today. It made me stop and think about what HE is going through, not just about me. I cannot even begin to imagine what that little boy is going through! I sometimes forget everything he's been through and just 'lump him in' with all of us....we all miss them and think about them DAILY, but it was HIS mommy and sissy....I look at Jonathon now, he's so tall and getting bigger everyday...1st grade now....Melissa would be so proud of him and the little boy he's become! I know Laney would be proud too!! I just finished reading the book Mistaken Identity, about the 2 girls from Michigan, who were in a terrible accident and one was spared from the wreck, but there a mistaken identity for over 5 weeks...It's an incredible book written by these 2 equally incredible families! Their love for God is amazing and refreshing to see that other people feel like we have as a family. Placing your trust in Him, when there is nothing else to trust! After 5 weeks of taking care of a girl they thought was their daughter, only to find out their daughter died 5 weeks prior....there was no anger or resentment, just sadness, and a strong love for Christ! God teaches us things daily, most of the time I think we just take it for granted or don't even realize what He has done for us....but if you stop and look at the big picture, you see some of His many miracles. Whenever the sun shines it rays through the clouds, I always smile and think of the girls...because even though, those were some of my darkest, darkest days, there is always a few rays straining through the dark clouds, showing us, that God is there helping us through difficult times!! Yes, I miss them sooo terribly much, yes, I would trade anything just to see them and hug them and see them with Jonathon.....ANYTHING I would trade....I know that our God is an awesome God, and we will see them again....Jonathon will see them again......and they are sooo happy now...no tears, pain or stresses of life! I can see Laney dancing for Jesus and Melissa with that awesome smile on her face that she always had when she looked at her children...PRIDE....she has that permanently now! I've realized a lot of things...Grief is a very private and selfish thing! Everyone has their own way of grieving....I have different ways of grieving....complete sadness, lots of tears, laughter and I get very grumpy around certain days...(birthdays and today!)
I have to say that it truly warms my heart when I see how many people recognize 'their' days....my friends and extended families that sent cards, gifts, emails and prayers! Some people say nothing for fear of 'upsetting' me or making me cry...but the realization is, not a day even a moment goes by when I dont' think of them and it's ok to talk about them and cry or laugh! Not talking about it doesn't mean it's not thought about...sometimes reality is a harsh slap in the face...but then what? You pick yourself up and get ready for the next sunrise and sunset and know that you got through another day!!

On another note, I just found out this afternoon that a very dear friend of mine got a phone call that has changed her life. Her father fell off of something (details are sketchy at this time) and has died. Please pray for my friend, Helen and her family!!! Helen was a life saver after the girls died, she took care of so much and was my brain when mine had escaped for sometime! I can only imagine the heartache and sorrow that they family is going through right now and I know she would appreciate any prayers you send their way!!

On a lighter note, since this is MY blog, I thought it was time to talk about ME (some more!) lol! I have decided that I need to learn and incorporate a new word in my vocabulary...NO! I talk about how busy I am...with classes, working full time being on the board at Egan's school...etc...and what do I go and do....ADD MORE!! UGH!!! What was I thinking??? Egan decided to try soccer this year instead of Baseball. They were short 2 coaches....but oh well...right?? NOPE! One parent stepped up and well.....I prayed about it.....and then I stepped up.....I know what your thinking...NICOLE....a soccer coach....yep, quite comical don't you think?? So many things are wrong with that....ONE, no idea how to play soccer...other than NO HANDS....TWO, well, do I really need another reason....I think one is a pretty good reason why this is SOOO WRONG!!! Well, 1st practice was tonite....I thought I was prepared for 13 little 7/8 year olds...THOUGHT being the operative word here! Thank goodness another mom stepped up to help me!!! It didn't go to bad, glad the 1st practice is over with...but we have a game on Saturday! I can see it now......all of them running for the ball, none of them passing it and they will all be tripping over themselves!!! I've decided that I prefer baseball. Much more organized and controlled!!! Everyone for the most part, stays in their position and does their job.....but SOCCER....oh crap...they run everywhere.....no one knows what to do and NO CONTROL! Egan said it best today when I was surfing the web to learn different positions..."mom, there are 2 positions...kicker and goalie...that's it...what's hard about that?" hmmm...sounds easy doesn't it? Please also pray for me!!! that God will give me the knowledge and patience to get through this!!! And I promise, I'm working on how to say NO next time!
May God bless you as much as He has blessed me!